drained :(

The hardest thing about being home is witnessing how sick my grandmother is. Her Alzheimer's is kicking in and it's really hard and sometimes frustrating. i admit, i sometimes get mad and snap at her for constantly asking what today's date is. it's difficult when she gets up every five minutes to check up in the kitchen cause she claims that there is something unfinished and needs to be done. i have to barricade the kitchen's entrance 'cause if she starts washing the dishes or whatnot, she gets sick and her back starts hurting from standing too long at the sink. she constantly checks up on Esther because she doesn't think we're capable of watching her... which then leads to lack of sleep, which leads to her getting sick. alsoooo, i have to watch what she eats cause junk food = a no-no.

it's hard to regulate everything she does because there's a language barrier. she doesn't understand my choppy cambodian so she snaps back at me and sometimes cusses. then i get mad and snap back at her.

it hasn't been pleasant lately because i've been babysitting my aunt's home for quite a bit now. i've been getting in trouble for taking quick naps because when i do, my grandma manages to do things that can harm her.

it's hard, but i know they need my help. i love my family, i love them a lot. so i'm not complaining.. it's just.. just.. hard (for lack of a better word, lol) but that's life. and I need to suck it up! and boy, i need to work on my patience.

sorry, and thanks for listening to my rant.